How come my chicken farm isn't prospering?

My wife wanted a chicken farm for her birthday and I wanted to make her the happiest bi*** in this friggin planet. So I went to 7/11 and bought 150 eggs to satisfy that needy female dog(metaphorically). It has been 3 months since I got the eggs and to conserve energy I am currently sitting on the eggs, waiting for them to friggin hatch so we can eat some grub, ya dig? So what can me do to make the eggs hatch and shut my wife up? Best answer gets a pat on the back by a horny crippled senior.